|
|
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
|
|
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
|
| Subject: | ATTENTION |
| Time: | 4:48 pm. |
| Mood: |  excited. | | Music: | silverstein - last days of summer. |
|
I MADE A NEW LIVEJOURNAL
THIS IS MY JOURNAL
My New Username is:
x_haudi_x
IF YOU WANT ME TO ADD YOU, LEAVE A MESSAGE HERE.
MY NEW JOURNAL WILL MY FRIENDS ONLY.
SO YOU CANT COMMENT UNTIL YOU ARE ADDED.
<3
Thanks =D
|
|
Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Sunday, December 19th, 2004
|
|
|
So...lastnight..
....where to start..
I went to the bar...with my BROTHER...
..i was only going to have one drink..
i was never drunk before, or even drank
...one drink led to two...which led to three...well...you know where im going...hahaha
Let's just say...i was rather drunk...haha
you know how your sober...and theres some types of drunk people you DONT like being around?
Well for me, i hate the loud, obnoxious drunks..
..and im SO like that when im drunk..hahah...
....never again...
Vodka+Rum+Beer=...not cool. haha
BUT...i didnt get sick :D
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
..Hey Guys..
Im cleaning off my friends list. Whoever wants to stay, or wants to be added, leave a message and ill keep you. I havent deleted everyone, I just wanna do some Spring Cleaning! haha! Leave Some!
|
|
Comments: Read 20 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
|
|
|
I decided to make my journal Friends Only from now on...
...Sorry Krys, Lemme know whenyuh get a LJ-code, or I'll see if i can hook yuh up with one. I just cant take ths bullshit people post in here. ha. not that it matters. Comment if ya wanna be added.
That is all...
|
|
Comments: Read 31 or Add Your Own.
|
| Subject: | :~( |
| Time: | 11:19 am. |
| Mood: |  crushed. | | Music: | Evanescence - Taking Over Me. |
|
so yeah...
...im home...
....its over...
matt and i are no longer together...
I had to do what was best for me..i couldnt put up with anymore bullshit or lies.
I feel so empty inside.
Lonley..Sad...Hopeless...Alone..
I dont know if that was a bad idea or not..i feel all weird...
..he looked so hurt...and i feel hurt...
....and i dont know what to dooo
I want to be his friend still..
...he told me to keep the ring he gave me..and not to forget him..
..im so hurt right now...people tell me things'll get better...
and i did the right thing, right? i dont know anymore
|
|
Comments: Read 19 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Sunday, December 7th, 2003
|
|
|
Ughh! Okay...here's the story...i need advice on this people..i'm so fucked up its unfit...
okay..when matt and I started dating, he said he wouldnt do drugs or whatever. that was fine. after he got outta detox and whatnot, he gave me a promise ring, promising he would love me forever and change his life around and not touch another drug, and he said not even another cigarette would touch his lips and he said he wouldnt drink or anything like that. He has broken those promises to me so many times within the year and 6 days we've been seeing eachother. I forgave him every other time...
...lastnight, Micki and I were up town, we found Matt. He had to leave at around 9:15 to go see Adam to pay him $90 for pills he had got long ago. He was meeting him up by the hospital or something. Micki gave him $1 to get her 2 smokes on the way back or whatever. He left, said hed be back at 10. So we drove around until like 9:55 or so, we parked in the corrall, where we had been chilling before he had to go...25 minutes went by, and Matt finally showed up. He had the smokes, he was back in one piece. Fine. Micki and I jump into his car to have a smoke and what-not. He asked me if he can have a kiss. I could smell liquor off his breath. and usually when he kisses me, he doesnt really pull away as quick as he did lastnight. So I kinda knew something was up.
I kept asking for kisses and he seems a little sketchy giving them to me. I dont remember how Micki and I ended uup in my car again, I think i got outta matts car to talk to Ryan, who was parked next to my empty car and maybe she came over when they left and i was sitting in the car? I dont remember, but that doesnt matter. She asked me what was wrong, and i told her i could smell liquor off his breath. I asked her to go back into matts car in the front seat and talk to him or whatever and bring up the fact that his breath smells like booze. He told her that he wasnt even around anyone that was drinking.
So whatever, we go home, i was uber tired, so i left early (sorry micki) and i called matt and he didnt answer the phone, and i called again, and he finally answered. I asked him why he didnt answer the first time and he said he was in the bathroom..that was fine. THen a few minutes later he said he needed to pee. (hint hint, drunk people pee alot, or atleast matt does) i said straight out "Matt, Im gunna ask you a question, and I was you to answer me honestly, and dont lie" he was like "okay" and i was like "swear on my life" and he did. I asked him if he was drinking. He said no. Then he changed the story to Adam spilt liquor on him. Then i brought up the point that if he spilt liquor ON him, it wouldnt be on his breath. Then he said he took a sip. then he said he was drinking.
I dont understand why that kid has to fucking lie to me. I mean, if he told me the truth in the fuckin first place It woulda been alot better than it is now. Like, he fucking swore on my life. The whole promise ring thing. I didnt know what to do. I wasnt in the mood to talk to anyone. so I hung up. So first..
(*)Hes not around anyone who was drinking
..changes into..
(*)I wasnt drinking
...which changes to..
(*)Adam spilt liquor on me
..which fucking changes to..
(*)I took a sip
BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!
So now, im all fucked up and I dont know what to do. the last few times hes done shit like this i said "next time isnt going to be the same, im not going to forgive you all the time, next time its over" and ive said that like 3 times, and i keep going back on my word. and i dont know what to do about this time. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME
PS: I know a girl cant tell her boyfriend what to do all the time, so dont think im a controlling bitch, but he just got outta detox, COME ON OFF IT. and fuckin, he swore on my life. he gave me a ring. All this shit just makes it seem like he doesnt give a flying fuck about our relationship. Even when he was sitting in the car asking me what was wrong he was all like "i didnt do anything, i promise, i wouldnt do anything to jeopridize our relationship" blah blah blah. I dont know what to do. i need so much help :((
*Falls off the face of the earth*
|
|
Comments: Read 28 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, December 4th, 2003
|
|
|
*sigh*
I..
(*)am in a cranky mood
(*)am really tired
(*)miss matt
(*)got my birthday present from Matt today which was 2 carebears! *smiles happily*
(*)dont feel really good
(*)dont want to go to school tomorrow
(*)am probably going to north sydney on Saturday to see the boyzz <3<3
(*)am done.
Elise Loves Matt
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
|
|
|
MONDAY WAS MINE AND MATT'S 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!
Thanks Jenn for the post! I *heart* Yew!
So yeah...there was no skewl today! Isnt that fantastic! And we're supposed to be getting more snow! How exciting is that! weehoo!! Snowboarding soon! *jumps around like a little kid christmas morning* My dad went to Dairy Queen to get me food, he didnt wanna go out in the snow, but I told him I really wanted DQ. Haha, so thats where hes gone...
..Ive been really weird lately..haha none of yahs take this the wrong way, or change this all around to get me in trouble, but lately ive kinda been in a really slutty mood, not like, dressing slutty...ive just wanted to do everyone latey. haha. I'm such a fucking horn-dog! Its horrible. haha, ah well, thats alright, I suppose. like my mom said "Just because your on a diet doesnt mean you cant look at the menu"
Ha! So yeah..I wanna go snowboarding! And im really bored! Im hoping the roads are gunna clear up so I can go to North Sydney on the weekend, haha. Its funner there. More people to do! hahah! I LOVE IT! Im such a horn dog...its unfit..i will never speak of my horni-ness ever again. haha infact, my work here is done. *POOF*
you are deeppink
#FF1493 |
Your dominant hues are red and magenta. You love doing your own thing and going on your own adventures, but there are close friends you know you just can't leave behind. You can influence others on days when you're patient, but most times you just want to go out, have fun, and do your own thing.
Your saturation level is high - you get into life and have a strong personality. Everyone you meet will either love you or hate you - either way, your goal is to get them to change the world with you. You are very hard working and don't have much patience for people without your initiative.
Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.
| | the spacefem.com html color quiz |
Elise Loves Matt
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, December 1st, 2003
|
| Subject: | :) |
| Time: | 6:58 pm. |
| Mood: |  crazy. | | Music: | Evanescence CD. |
|
E Your favorite movie is "dude, where's my car."
L Love is something you mock.
I You are always smiling & making people think you're up to something
S You are very big-chested.
E Your favorite movie is "dude, where's my car."
R You give great head.
O You are very open-minded, 3-ways are your friend.
S You are very big-chested.
E Your favorite movie is "dude, where's my car."
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Sunday, November 30th, 2003
|
| Subject: | BaH! |
| Time: | 2:32 pm. |
| Mood: |  pissed off. | | Music: | 36 Crazyfists - Eightminutesupsidedown. |
|
Im in a really bad mood at the moment. But im almost positive yahs dont wanna hear about my fuckin parents bitchin at me. So heres wut I did over the long weekend.
(*)Thursday(*):
Went to town till like 9:30 then Jenn picked me up, we drove around, rear-ended someone, and then we drove to north sydney to drive her friend home. I made Jenn to see Steve so I could say Hi! :)
(*)Friday(*):
Went to North Sydney I believe...Hung out with Steve and Joel (<3<3<3) for awhile. Got a hug from "Hot Mike" (<3<3<3). Umm..Honestly, I dont remember wut else was done on Friday nite, I think that was the night I seen Rachel and Doug up town and I got really hyper and Doug thinks im a weirdo, bahaha, who doesnt!
(*)Saturday(*):
Went to North Sydney again, I SEEN COREY AND VERONICA IN THE MALL!! haha..Met up with matt...and his dick head of a friend Chris, of whom i want DEAD for what he said about my friend that I didnt enjoy one bit. Stupid piece of turd. Chris began to get on my nerves to Micki and I decided to leave. We went to Steve's house, then we went to pick up Joel. Then we had a smoke and what-not and then we left for Sydney. A little later, we met up with Matt, Steve N Joel at the mall in sydney, and then we headed up town. They were up town for like 5 minutes and then matt gets a call that his little brother is sick, so they hadda leave :( So for the rest of the night micki and I chilled in the corrall with Dave and Ricky(<3<3<3) and then they took us cruisin, and then...yeah, hehe! Twas fun.
(*)Sunday(*):
Today...im sitting here in my pj's still. I didnt get my lazy ass outta bed until after 1pm. But yeah, im in a REALLY pissy mood.
So..bah..how was everyones long weekend. Mine was aight for the most part. Besides today. Today fucking sucked. or sucks rather. Im in a really bad mood and anyone who talks to me, i'll prolly snap on them. I need to get the fuck outta my house...SOON. but im leaving now. bye.
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
|
| Subject: | BLaH.... |
| Time: | 10:28 am. |
| Mood: |  frustrated. | | Music: | The Ataris - Boys Of Summer. |
|
..ugh..
Yesterday was Hell. I got my report-card back, which was fine. (Music=82, Global Geo=75, ProTech=90) I was a little pissed off about my Music mark, and the 2 comments the fuckin bastard left. But whatever. My moms gunna have a go with him at Parent-Teacher. Bah. Okay..here's the story..
When Matt and I started seeing eachother, he promised he would stop doing pills. He said he did. But apparently he didnt. Yesterday he took a whole buncha pills. I kinda thought something was up, but he just said he was really happy. I accepted that. He was supposed to go to work from 5-10 and he ended up calling me from home around 7 or so. He passed out at work or something and was sent home. He didnt tell me why. So I got Micki to talk to him to see what was going on or whatever. I got really upset. Jamie came to my house and i was bawling my eyes out and he talked to me for a little while. Then when I went inside my dad was all like 'whats wrong' and I was like 'nothing' and I didnt really know what was going on at that point and he kept telling me to tell him whats goin on and I told him that I wasnt sure yet. I snapped on him. I wish I hadn't.
So my dad snapped on me and drove to Micki's place to ask her what the hell was going on. That pissed me off. He had no right to get involved. And putting Micki in the middle of it? I didnt think that was appropriate at all. And Micki's parents were involved as well. I was talking to Micki on MSN when all this shit was going down. And I told her not to tell him anything cuz I wasnt too sure what was going on. But anways..umm..
Matt promised me he wouldnt let another drug into his body unless it was prescribed by a doctor. He promised before. Like, if I cant trust my own boyfriend, who the fuck can I trust? Besides close friends, which there arent too many of. He made me alot of promises..he said he was going to change for the better. That he would try harder in school and get his life back on track. I want to believe him so bad. And I wish I could believe him. But until he actually makes an effort, Iunno wut I'm gunna do. I told him that I was thinking into the future and I didnt wanna live in poverty and I wanted him to get off the pills/drugs and get his life on track, finish his education and get a good job so that we dont have to live in poverty when we get married and get a house or whatever. I know yahs prolly think im insane for that. But like..it takes 2 people working, getting good pay to live together and afford eachother. One person shouldnt rely on the other for anything. Ya know wut I mean? Iunno, I'm really confused.
My eyes are still fucked up from crying so much lastnight. I was a mess lastnight. I didnt know what to do with myself. My dad was so angry with me, and I didnt like that at all, seeing as how for the past little while we've been getting along great, which is different than any other time. I didnt wanna ruin what we had going. So I told him what was going on and whatever. I think we're alot better now. He tapped my phone lines so he could record anything and everything said over the phone cuz he didnt think I would end up saying anything about what happened. So if anyone calls me, please, be very careful about what your going to say. So..Matt is going to drug councelling. I think thats great. I really wanna be with him forever and I dont want anything to happen to him, I want him to be safe. So yeah..this post is kinda long and I'm almost positive none of yahs will even bother reading this. But PLEASE I want some comments on this post, because im so confused and I dont know what to do about this situation.
I dont want to be with a drug addict. And when i finish all my schooling and get a job I dont wanna be stuck with someone working somewheres washing dishes for $7 an hour. like..that makes sence, doesnt it? I wanna go somewheres in life and I have tons of future goals for me. And I dont want to let anyone hold me back from what I want. But I told Matt if he didnt turn things around that I didnt think we could be together..was that a bad idea? Im not sure, because I really did mean it, but Iunno..I really hope he is going to change and is honestly going to try....
..he asked me if I was still going to take the ring be bought me for our 1 year anniversary, which is on Monday, December 1st. He said it was a promise ring that he would love me forever and change. So I'm assuming he is serious about changing this time...I told him I would accept it..I just really hope he is serious about it this time. *sigh*
Well thats all I have to write about for now, I'm supposed to be doing my pro tech project. but I had to get all of that outta my system. So I'm gone.
Elise Loves Matt
|
|
Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
|
|
|
I'm really bored..like...its unfit how bored i am..
Im sitting in pro tech class, talking to Steven on MSN. I have nothing to do, cuz I totally lost interest in the project we're doing in this goddamn class. I have one more class...after lunch...and its...*glares* Music.. dun dun dun..I fuckin hate that class now...So yeah...I'm hungry and I need a cigarette...*sigh*...Here are my plans for the weekend so far, even tho its only Tuesday:
(*)Friday(*)
Spend the whole day with Matt cuz theres no school. Yay spending quality time with your boyfriend :)
(*)Saturday(*)
Matt hasta werk until 9 or so. And my dad said I could take the Prelude up town. So Town, here I come!
(*)Sunday(*)
Sit home and diddle myself all day/night. haha!
So yeah..I think I'm done here now, since I have nothing else to write about and I'm bored outta my skull!!
Elise Loves Matt
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love.. anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like.
Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.
|
|
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, November 24th, 2003
|
|
|
I got outta the tub...
...i played with my rubber duckie micki bought for me!
It was funnn!=D
Im waiting for Matt to call me!
I'm really bored and have nothing to say.
I cleaned my room, and my laundry is almost done...
.....I TOOK MY SNOWBOARD OUTTA THE BASEMENT!!..
AND NOW ITS IN MY ROOM! *grinz*
Im changing my icon too!
*will change it after this post*
IM DONE =D
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
| Subject: | :) |
| Time: | 8:25 pm. |
| Mood: |  productive. | | Music: | Evanescence - My Immortal. |
|
Hi Everyone. I'm in a pretty good mood at the moment.
Today was....different. Last class i SNAPPED on my music teacher and i snapped in class. Fuckin idiot gave me an 82 on mt report card! FOR MUSIC!! my lowest mark in music was an 89, in grade 9, with Mr. Tourneur. *mutters mean things under her breath about the stupid music teacher* He was all like "your marked on your participation and how you play and how many times you play wrong notes" and like, theres people in my class that got 10 lower than me, and they dont even PLAY anything in the band, they come to class and sit on the fucking computers the whole fucking time. And theres people who play ALOT of wrong notes and FUCKED US UP IN THE REMEMBERANCE DAY THING...but she got a 94? WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT! *mutters* yeahh...that pissed me off BAD...but im shutting up about that now..
...Today after skewl I went with matt...hung out and cuddled for awhile. THen he hadda go to work. So my dad lemme drive the nice little red car to DQ so i could get some food. blah blah blah...I came home, cleaned and gutted out my room, and im doing laundry as we speak, so today wasnt a really shitty day. Matt says he may be working all Saturday until 11pm. So i asked my daddy if he would let me take the prelude up town and he said yes if i wasnt going to drive around all night and rack up the kms. cuz theres not many kms on it at all, especially for a 92.
But anyways, my clothes are done in the dryer, so imma fold them and take the clothes outta the washer and put them into the dryer. After I fold those clothes im prolly gunna get into the tub, since i have nothing else to do. Matt's working until 10...so im bored until then. haha.
17 more days till my birthday (Dec.11th)
and one week from today is Mine and Matt's 1 year anniversary. (Dec.1st)
Elise Loves Matt
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
|
| Subject: | eeeeee! |
| Time: | 8:33 am. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. | | Music: | 36 Crazyfists - Turns To Ashes. |
|
ha! It's really fucking early! My dad came into my room at 8 o'clock rummaging around for the prelude key, and woke me the fuck up! *mutters* Ah well! I'm wide awake now! How was everyones weekend? Mine was grrreat! And lastnight was the best night I've had in a long time. Here's the breakdown of wut I did on the weekend.
Friday i hung with Matt after skewl, and then I went home to eat or whatever, and he came back to pick me up..then we went somewheres and had alot of fun =D
Saturday I cleaned off the white car for my dad and cleaned the rims. Then Micki and I went to the mall X-mas shopping. wee-hoo. Then we cruised around a little bit. Then I went home, ate supper, and after matt got off of work at 5 he called me and then he came to pick me up. His grandmothers was staying over his mothers that night, so we basically hung out there all night. We cuddled in his bed for awhile..we were planning to go to sleep...but...we didnt. Two of us..in a bed...no one home...and we're gunna sleep? HA! Crazy fuckers...haha so yeah..thennn...after that we cuddled a little more and talked about some stuff. Then we decided we were gunna get into the shower together, so that we did. Then we headed outside for a little bit, we ended up going uptown, i bummed a smoke off of 3 guys in a silver mustang. after that we ended up back at his grandmothers, cuddled on the couch while watching that ICON:Metallica thing.
So yeah...heh heh heh. Lastnight was bomb! *grins* Matt even washed my hair for me in the shower! hehe! Hes so cute, i love him rite to death. Id do anything for that kid! So...I still have some x-mas shopping to do, I wanna buy my brother a sword/daggar type thing that I seen in san fran sisko, or however the fuck ya spell the fuckin thing. But yeah...thats all I really have to say. I have no idea what I'm doing today as of yet. meh, it looks kinda shitty out, but who cares. Im out! *POOF*
Elise Loves Matt
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Friday, November 21st, 2003
|
|
|
Im bored..someone entertain me. PLEASE!
*holds up sigh* -- "Will Strip For Entertainment!"
haha, iunno wtf im talking about, im kinda hyper and im bored as fuck. and i need someone to entertain me! I'm supposed to be playing music, but I "forgot my flute" which is in the car in the parking-lot. haha, but you know me, fucking lazy elise. haha! =D
That band thing at C200 was aight. haha. it was kinda entertaining. We were supposed to be all dressed up for School Spirit in blue and white. So Jenn and I decided to wear all black and threaten everyone and throw rocks at the high school hockey players. *grins* *yawns* Im bored..the skewl band is playing "Last Kiss" !! *grins* it sounds like shit tho, cuz its our band..haha but if our band was decent im sure it would found fine and dandy! haha!
Lastnight after the band thinger, I offered to drive Mike home. We went for a cruise through town, and Jeff Ramsay was in town, and I was talking to him for a little bit. *swoons* heh heh heh, umm..yeah, I think I'm done now, haha, bye! *POOF*
Elise Loves Matt
|
|
Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
You are a black cat, stubborn yet friendly, you
stick to your values and preferences, and no
one can convince you otherwise! You are the
legendary cat of mystery.
What color of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
IM BLACK!!! SO'S THE KITTY =D =D
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, November 20th, 2003
|
|
|
...so yeah...im going to make this really short and straight to the point.
Everyone:
Im so sorry for anything Ive EVER done to any of you. And I want you all to know that I love you all more than life itself.
Today made me realize something, and its really sad that it took something like that to make me realize how much of a horrible person I am. Matt and I got in a fight...well, not really, i kinda snapped on him. I had a reason though. But yeah...i dont know if its the mood im in, or like...iunno..I realized the following about Matt and I:
(*)It seems like I take him for granted
(*)I ALWAYS have to get what I want all the time
(*)I love him more than life itself
(*)...but yet I treat him like shit..
(*)I dont think I treat him like shit
(*)Sometimes it seems like I could be better to him
(*)You dont realize what you have until its gone..or until it seems that way..
(*)He means everything to me, and I dont wanna fuck things up with us..
So therefore, I'm going to begin being a better girlfriend, and a better friend to everyone. I dont think theres a problem on the friend end, but iunno, cuz sometimes, i only have like, a tunnel vision sorta thing, or i only see wut i wanna type deal. But thats all changing as of NOW. Also, I am quitting smoking..or going to attempt to....again...:\
So yeah, I said short and straight to the point, but I think I fucked up. ha. ah well. Im gone, i gotta get ready for that stupid band thing.
oh yeah...and I know Matt hardly ever ready my livejournal, I wanna write something anyways:
Matt you mean the world to me and im so fucking sorry for all the shit ive ever put you through. Your an awesome person and I'm so lucky to have you. I love you:)
Elise Loves Matt
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xx_elise_xx's journal
hungry.
content.
tired.
horny.
blah.
bouncy.
rushed.